my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
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Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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