if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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