He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
