holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
