Four minutes until I can fart!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
