I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
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You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you had me at cake vodka
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
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He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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