Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
