He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
