a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
