Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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