I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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