Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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