There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
