It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize