She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
