y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
