Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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