he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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