the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
