marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
