i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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