News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
