Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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