dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist