I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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