Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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