she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
