Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
