So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
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Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
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Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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