ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
