this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
