Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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