i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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