home. puking in laundry basket.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
