just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
