She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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