I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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