I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
