Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
