she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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