Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
