dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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