Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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