dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There's even glitter on my cock...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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