last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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