very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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