Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
