I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize