Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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