I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
