I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
