Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
sarcasm needs its own font
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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