do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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