I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
