We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
