What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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