I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
