going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
