It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
