i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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