Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize