Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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