Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
