Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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