And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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