Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
