Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
