ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
