The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
