dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
